I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
