I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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