he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
