So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
