i don't like sucking hair
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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