she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
