margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
