Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
