There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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