Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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