God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
