I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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