I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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