i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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