Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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