Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
