He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
