Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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