I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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