i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
