I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Randomize