I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize