Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
