if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize