Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
