if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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