Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
