he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
