apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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