I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
