My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
