I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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