Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize