i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
