Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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