I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How's work?
Spinning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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