Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bring money and cleavage
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
