you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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