Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
