i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
