I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
