Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
