i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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