What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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