my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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