fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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