I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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