ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
