successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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