just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize