We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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