DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
