your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
