Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
