A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
not ubering you a puppy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
