Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize