she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
