I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
