I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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