I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
