In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
