What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
