i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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