pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
