WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
