he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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