she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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