I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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