ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
