tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
