I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
