I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
