everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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