he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
